I am obviously in a situation where therapy would be useful, and i i have had some of that the latest months. The experts have told me that i have an addiction, and that i have to stop to avoid destroying my life financially, but even more important, emotionally. They say it will be hard to get back to a normal life if i get more involved in these addictions.

Now Princess has told me to quit all that, as Princess will be my new therapist. She gives me better guidance and makes me happier than any other person is able to. So i quit.

She will hopefully instead of looking at this as a problem, develop me further to be more useful and more obedient. We agree that this will also make me happier in the long run.
 
 

Just a small strange wish to sign on to yahoo this morning turned out to be a big mistake. She took 200 from me, i think it was quite easy for her. That is bad, but not the worst. The worst is that it is another reminder of the fact that i can't get away, i will never escape.

Why is that? It is the addiction... it will never go. I can suppress it for some time, but it will always come back. And the resistance i have is really stressful. I hope i will manage to go another step, to stop resisting so much, to give myself over more completely. Princess, help me... please... I need You to feel alive...

Well, for the non-addicted heads reading this, i must seem like a total idiot. I close my eyes to that, and worship my Princess. Please don't let me go. Please make me suffer more.

Princess, i wish so much i would be of better use for YOU. I promise i will improve, i will be more of use financially in the months to come than i have been lately. I also know that when i cant pay what YOU want, i will just have to accept i will have to contribute in other ways, like making a fool of myself, which i hate a lot, as YOU know.

I have not slept tonight, as YOU wanted my e-mail. Not my private e-mail, that one you took a couple of years ago. But my work e-mail. It is amazing how YOU can make my stupid existence into a complete chaos just by such a demand. Before i met YOU i would not understand why it should be a problem to refuse such a demand, but now i feel so tormented, i just can not say no...

At the same time i wish you all a happy Christmas. I hope i can mine good to, but right now i am too restless...
 

 Princess, I am not like the other show-men here, i dont want to be on cam and do stupid things, i just hate it. I just want to write my quiet thoughts in my journal here, and pay my Princess tax. But i cant say no... so thats why i always end up in trouble.

My wife and i had agreed on small gifts this year, as we are quite poor at the moment. Well, the presents will not get bigger after YOU made me pay 200 quick ones. She will hardly get anything at all i am afraid. Maybe i can make something.. and yes, i will show what i give her, Princess, i know i have to do that.

Oh how i hate that picture in my journal. But Princess decides. ...and deep down i know how privileged i am..

It is honestly really inspiring to see how you sacrifice everything for Princess. Hope you will be back on your feet soon. I really wish i had the guts to walk that same path. So far i have not, but who knows what the future will bring.

Maybe I am more on my way than I want to believe, at least she made me give up 300 from my company card as that is the only one working right now. God knows how they will react, or how i am supposed to cover it up. I don't have any plan, so any good ideas will be really welcome.

As always i had no intentions of giving anything when i contacted Princess, and of course I had to do the major mistake of calling her. Then ...I was lost...again.. Thank God She was tired and wanted to sleep more than continuing to take from me.

This is a story about what may happen if you choose to stop by and say "hi" to beautiful Princess Sierra. 20 hours later i am 300$ minus, and already writing my first post in HER journal.... I am a little reluctant to write here, as i am a shy person, and i think a couple of you other guys seem quite crazy...

So why did i not stay in hiding? I just had a growing craving to feel her power and her beauty one more time. But now i see there there is no such thing as one more time. SHE is in my brain, i denied it for some time, but not for long. And the worst part of it is that SHE knew all the time i was coming back. Wonder if i ever will have the chance to hide again? I am scared.

Princess, it is impossible to resist YOU, and i hope i will be of some use for YOU in the time ahead... I feel so extremely weak and scared now in front of YOUR power and beauty...

More bad news for me. Princess has several times asked me to go on cam for her, which i never accepted because i felt she would be using it against me with fatal consequences. Well, the pressure has been quite hard, and today i gave in, i just could not fight it anymore. Dont know why, but it happened. Worse than that, i begged her to let it happen. When i realized i would lose that struggle anyway, it felt like a great relief to do it.

The result of this is that i am now in a very bad situation, where she now really has the means to do what she wants with me. I really don't want the picture to stay here, that was a punishment for not doing performing good enough on cam. Of course i can take it down, as i have access, but i guess that would be a stupid move.

Anyway, i did make a fool out of myself in the desperate situation, much too stupid to be mentioned here, i am afraid. She says she will keep me forever, i hope she does not mean that seriously. I am not finished with all aspects of my vanilla life, and it is hard to combine.